О красоте, которая требует жертв

Несколько лет назад у меня была тётенька, точнее бабушка — нелегалка с Украины. Её поймали, арестовали, велели паспорт показать — а паспорта-то у неё нет… Не помню уже, как так получилось и куда приблудились её корочки, но в Гивоне — тюрьме, где содержатся нелегалы перед депортацией — их не было.

Из-за отсутствия паспорта уехать на родину бабулька не могла, и выйти наружу тоже не могла. Так и чалилась она на нарах, пока каким-то образом не попала ко мне. А, вспомнил — по-моему, за неё попросил кто-то из дипкорпуса, или её сокамерницы. Короче, подцепил я её прямо в тюрьме в виде бесплатной общественной нагрузки.

Как всегда и бывает с делом про-боно, всё загеморроилось в крайней степени, но связи (или, как правильно говорят бухарские — вязи) в украинском консульстве, которые у меня тогда были, сделали своё дело, и через несколько дней к бабушке приехал консул с новой временной ксивой.

Иногда, когда я вспоминаю, ЧТО я вытворял у чиновников и что я им нёс, только бы получить этот чортов паспорт для томящейся в сионистских застенках бабульки… Короче, из весьма крепкой на вид и в принципе нестарой (70 нет ещё) женщины у меня выходила дышащая на ладан в виде полумощей страдалица, и каждый час, что она в тюрьме — на нашей с вами совести, и здоровье у неё, и не дай бог она кони двинет в неволе…

Звонок от консула с сообщением о том, что временный паспорт вручён и завтра же можно лететь, вызвал у меня такую эйфорию, с которой вряд ли может конкурировать современная психофармакология даже в самых подпольных её областях. Однако через полчаса эйфория сменилась чувством глубокого охуения — спасённая уже вроде бы бабка отказалась улетать.

Причина такого решения была абсолютно логична — её фотография на временном паспорте ей не понравилась. Через несколько дней в тюрьму приезжает фотограф, говорят хорошо снимает, так я лучше подожду, чтобы хорошая фотография была в паспорте. Временном, одноразовом. На мои робкие попытки убедить её, что это немного гм… нелепо, бабулька ответила мне «ты же мальчик, ты не поймёшь».

Через несколько дней она таки улетела домой. С новой, красивой фотографией в паспорте. Надеюсь, что у неё всё сложилось хорошо — она мне дала такие весёлые воспоминания, что это гораздо дороже денег. Деньги у меня вообще не держатся, а воспоминания проживут аж до альцгеймера.

Мораль — не пытайтесь понять женщин. Просто делайте то, что они хотят, и будет вам счастье.


Автор

Член коллегии адвокатов Израиля с 2001 года. Создал и возглавлял Комиссию по связям с государствами СНГ при Палате Адвокатов Израиля. Телефон 0545-490623


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